NO TRIAL NO ERROR

Mrs. Handan was knitting her lace with her glasses down on her nose, while listening to her daughter.

- Mom, I am letting you know that we have decided to go on a picnic with the girls tomorrow.

- What's the point of letting me know my daughter, you've already made up your mind. I've told you so many times that I don't like those girls’ behavior. But who am I to tell you anything? Whatever I tell you seems to go in one ear and out the other. You still do what you want. You never listen.

Şaziye was her own person, disobedient since she was a child. As she grew up, her behavior grew with her. She did whatever she wanted. Her mother's advice went in one ear and out the other. She didn't like to take advice, she would huff and puff if something was said. She wanted to live life according to what she knew and learned from what she experienced. For her, life was learned by trial and error. Her choices had always been like this. Whether it be choosing friends or schools. She was of marriageable age and had a similar opinion about relationships.

She was a beautiful young woman. She had many suitors. Everyone would recommend someone to her. But she herself had to find the person she would fall in love with. One day she finally fell in love with a young man named Cemil. Everything went so fast and her family knew about him at the very last minute. When they came to ask for her daughter’s hand, Handan Hanım said that she wanted to think about it. Mrs. Handan was a woman of experience. Hoping to save her daughter from a big mistake:

“Look, my daughter, Cemil is no husband for you, you will have a lot of trouble later. He doesn't have an established job, he hasn't done his military service. He doesn't even know how to talk to his elders.”

Şaziye said:

 “But he is very handsome, very different, I fell in love with him, try to understand.”

Finally, her parents reluctantly approved their marriage. Now the engagement period had begun. While their preparations were going on, one day Shaziye wanted to go out. She was going to visit a close friend whom she always visited. Şaziye had told Cemil where she was going. Cemil was very uncomfortable and did not want her to go. He had started to restrict her in many similar ways. Even though he did not care about taking her to places or giving her gifts when it came to restrictions, he was very strict.  Şaziye would say, “How sweet of you, are you jealous?” thinking that Cemil was interested in her in this way. Şaziye could not see or hear anything negative about Cemil.

She always had an excuse for Cemil's mistakes. She defended him by saying, “He is jealous or that they are touched by the evil eye or that he is not like that others are affecting him or everyone is like this.”

Then days passed and the big day came. Şaziye and Cemil were married in a lavishing wedding. After the honeymoon phase everything started to turn upside down. Cemil had nothing to do with the expenses of the house, nor with his wife. They were trying to survive with the support of their families. Cemil was still hanging out with his single friends, going out with them some nights. Şaziye had never felt so alone. But she still hoped that the good in him would come out. The girl who had been cautious all her life, distrusting every good deed and looking for evil behind everything, had changed a lot. She thought, “Maybe things will change if we have a child.” And as she expected, she became pregnant. That baby would both be a companion for her and tie her husband to the house. During the pregnancy, Cemil also had to do military service, it was a short term, but they were separated for a while. Months passed and Şaziye had a chubby, rosy-cheeked daughter. Şaziye had hoped that seeing her baby after the military service would have an effect on Cemil. But unfortunately she couldn't see the reaction she had hoped for.

Şaziye’s parents had always supported him while he was in the army. But when he came back he didn't even thank them. Şaziye was ashamed to see them. Afterwards, he didn't want her to visit her parents either. Behaviors that seemed cute at first were causing big problems over time. The incidents that had been looked over as jealousy in the past had come to another level. He had become a person who did not fulfill his responsibilities and was constantly putting pressure on her with restrictions.

Was this new or had he always been like this?

Şaziye remembered her mother's advice. Her mother had mentioned that Cemil needed to figure out his work, to respect her elders, to do his military service. But she had never listened to any of them. Their engagement period, his lack of interest in their home, his return from the military... All of these incidents were actually telling her something. But Şaziye could not or did not want to see these signs.

Now there was nothing to do but to think about her mistakes. The point was not to get married, but to build a home together and look in the same direction. To share pain, happiness, sadness, fatigue. But now there was nothing she had hoped for, nothing she had dreamed of. Şaziye was alone and she could only realize this through trial and error.

The Experiential Design Teaching says; Don’t try, don't make errors! Transfer experience!

Trial and error is a learning method that wears people out and is a wasteful way to go through life. It is an attempt to learn by experiencing everything oneself. However, experience transfer is a more beneficial and comfortable learning method. It is trying to learn by consulting people who are experienced in that subject. Transfer of experience reduces the amount of mistakes the person will make and allows him/her to reach the right result in a shorter time.

Some people realize the value of consultation after they make a mistake. Others realize how valuable experience transfer is before they make a mistake.

Experiential Design Teaching is the knowledge of reality that provides the information individuals need on their path to life. It produces strategies for people through true information derived from experiences. Thus provides real methods on how they can solve their problems.

 It conveys ways to be happy and successful with "Who's Who?", "Relationship Mastery" and "Success Psychology" programs.

“The only thing that hasn't been discovered yet is; the Better.”

Yahya Hamurcu