By Waiting And Waiting

By Waiting And Waiting

I Walk Day and Night

The train's slowly opening door revealed a sunny morning in Istanbul. With the bag she had carried for years on her back and a plastic bag in hand, Şermin tried to walk forward. After a long train journey, she had finally reached the city. As soon as she stepped off the train, she found herself engulfed by the crowd. “Do the people living in this city rush everywhere?” she thought. Walking felt nearly impossible. You'd have to be an acrobat to avoid bumping into someone.

Her feet were swollen like drums from dangling throughout the journey. She hadn’t eaten anything since the night before, nor had she slept properly. Inevitably,there was tension in her. She headed towards the escalators, worrying, “How do I get from here to there?” She tried to figure out the stops from an app on her phone but couldn’t make sense of it. She looked around and  asked the first person she saw. After learning where the stop was, she dragged her suitcase and headed towards it. She managed to board the minibus with great difficulty. Taking a deep breath, she noticed the minibus was packed to the brim. In the crowded space, no one made eye contact with anyone else. “It seems no one wants to talk,” she thought. “Everyone is staring at the floor as if to avoid having to offer their seat to an elderly, sick, or tired person.”

As she observed the people around her, her friend's words echoed in her mind:

-       “Tomorrow morning, when you’re using public transportation, don’t even think about being polite. This place isn’t like where you’re from. If you’re getting on the metrobus at that hour, you’ll have to push your way through the crowd. Otherwise, you’ll just stand there, unable to get on.”

Taking this advice to heart, Şermin made her way toward the metrobus. A wave of people surged towards her. Walking was already difficult, and her heavy load made it even harder. But she had no choice. She needed to make it to her meeting on time. She missed the first metrobus, but she couldn’t afford to miss the second one. As soon as the metrobus approached, she headed for the middle door, grabbed her suitcase, and stepped inside as soon as the doors opened. Thank God it wasn’t too crowded. “At least there’s space to stand,” she thought. Just then, a sudden brake caused her suitcase to slip between her legs. As she reached to grab it, her bag fell. As she bent down to pick it up, she hit her head. “Doesn’t anyone see me? Can’t someone lend a hand? Has humanity died? What would it hurt to offer me a seat? It’s not belong to them. I deserve it too!” she began muttering to herself.

When she started expecting things from others, Şermin realized how aggressive and stressed she became. She couldn’t help but smile when she heard the announcement inside the metrobus: “Dear passengers, for your safety and the safety of others, please hold onto something while traveling on the metrobus. Also, be mindful of your phone usage.” She was surprised by this announcement. Looking around, she finally understood why it was made. Most people were so engrossed in their phones that they weren’t holding onto anything. Nearly everyone had a phone in hand and earphones plugged in. No one was looking at anyone else. No one was hearing or seeing anyone else.

They were seeing but not truly seeing…

“What am I expecting?” she asked herself. These people don’t even notice me, so how can they offer me a seat or help me with my luggage?

She then began to reflect. She tried to recall where else in her life she had unrealistic expectations. Did she expect too much not only from those who didn’t notice her but also from those who did? At work, she would often postpone her tasks, expecting her colleagues to help her. She’d complain, “Can’t you lend a hand?” Şermin would host her guests at home with great care, but when she visited others, she wanted to be hosted in the same way. If her expectations weren’t met, she would be disappointed. She experienced the same frustration with household chores. She didn’t enjoy cooking and would often wish someone else would prepare the food so they could simply eat. Her constant question, “I’m so tired today; how can we manage dinner?” stemmed from this.

She loved shopping but always expected to find a parking spot nearby without any hassle. Of course, that wasn’t always possible. If she needed to place an order, she’d ask her sister, “You’re good at talking, can you call and order for me?” If there was a need to make pastries or stuffed grape leaves, she’d say, “Your pastries are great, the kids love them, could you make some for us?” Her sister would reply with a gentle complaint, “I wish you’d learn how to make them yourself,” yet she would still clean up after her. Şermin realized she was often shifting her own responsibilities onto the people around her.

Experiential Design Teaching says: “As a person’s expectations from the inner world increase, their expectations from the outer world decrease.” However, one can only design their own world through their actions.

Looking at her suitcase, Şermin thought, “I should’ve packed only what I could carry.” Then, looking at the elderly woman standing in front of her, she smiled and said, “There’s a seat open here, please sit down.” She couldn’t change the world, but she could improve herself. Sometimes a single step was enough to start a transformation.

Experiential Design Teaching is the knowledge of reality that provides the information individuals need on their path to life. It produces strategies for people through true information derived from experiences. Thus provides real methods on how they can solve their problems.

 It conveys ways to be happy and successful with "Who's Who?", "Relationship Mastery" and "Success Psychology" programs.

“The only thing that hasn't been discovered yet is; the Better.”

Yahya Hamurcu