Wish We Could Go Back

WISH WE COULD GO BACK

She was nervously walking down the corridors of the courtroom. It was clear, her lawyer was not going to show up on time. She felt like everyone was looking at her. She was embarrassed, but not because she was in the court. It was something else… “I actually love my husband, I wish I could go back to the beginning, I wish I could start again…”

It was not that long ago, they had only been married for two years. Nazlı was the only child in her family, she was the apple of her family’s eye. Her parents gave her everything they had. Whenever she had a problem they would immediately take matters into their own hands and solve everything for her. She studied in well-paid schools, without having to work hard. Because her family would make donations to the school. All seemed to contınue like this until she married Cemil.

She met with him at university. “Let’s get married” she insisted like a child insisting on a toy. Cemil wanted to marry her too but he wanted to wait until their university was over so that he can save money. Whatever he said he could not make her listen. Cemil had lost his father at a very young age. He was living with his mother. He did not have the budget to meet Nazlı’s wishes. He offered her to live with his mother, in the house he inherited from his father. But Nazlı was not interested in this at all. There were some matters that didn’t sit well with Cemil but it wouldn’t be manly to cast her off. He had to ask for her hand. He and his mother went to Nazlı’s house. Her parents and grandparents were all there. Nazlı’s parents knew their daughter was in love with Cemil, so they accepted anything she wanted. They didn’t make any fuss. They would give him a job in their company before he finished the university.  They even offered him to quit university, since he would have a job he didn’t have to study. But Cemil wanted to continue his education.

Nazlı’s grandfather bought a luxurious house for them as a gift. Since Nazlı can’t live anywhere ordinary Cemil’s offer was pushed aside. Nevertheless he tried to cover the wedding expenses with the money he earned. He did not want to be outdone but things were getting out of hand.

Cemil felt like he was under obligation for every oppurtinity that was offered to him. He wanted to prove his worth as a son-in-law. He wanted to earn enough and have the mains to buy a house and move there. But Nazlı had none of these concerns. She was continuing life as if she was single. Her maid was doing her cooking and cleaning just like before. She was complaining about the gifts her husband bought her. They were not poor quality but were not well known brands either. On the other hand most of the time she wore them but her demands never ended. She was constantly complaining and dissatisfied.

Months later, Cemil found himself at a crossroad. Either he was going to drift away with the opportunities given to him or he was going to build a life according to his own values and goals. It was as if the whole system was set up to make only Nazlı happy. He too had his own goals and he did not want to be her playdoll. She was a good person at heart but she could not break away from her family’s means. She was never Cemil’s wife, she was always her family’s spoiled daughter.

One evening Nazlı caused a lot of trouble when he went home. She was trying to overpower Cemil as she did with her family. Cemil never liked to argue, but Nazlı would not leave him alone. There came a moment when Nazlı said, “Okay, if you are not satisfied, then let's get a divorce.” Cemil was both surprised and angry that Nazlı took marriage so lightly. In his life, family was always a very important, sacred union. Family was sacrifice, love, not child's play. Cemil said “OK” and left the house with a few of his belongings.

Nazlı could not think about the consequences of her words. She found herself in the middle of the living room staring at the walls. “What do you mean...” she said hours later, ”How did it come to this.” She felt awful and didn't know what to do. She didn't leave the house for days, she was depressed.  When her parents called she made excuses.

Cemil was going to be abroad for ten days for a business meeting. He did not mix business with family. There was a big tender and he didn't want to quit before it was finalized. He respected these people who welcomed him and his mother. He thought, “They can do without me, but I still have to fulfill my responsibilities.” He had arranged everything. He was going to resign as soon as he came back. During this marriage, he could not take care of his mother, Nazlı's spoiling left no time for anything else. His close friend was a lawyer he was going to be representing him in the court while he was away. He didn't want it to be like this, but he couldn't explain to Nazlı what marriage was. He did not understand his wife who complained to his family about him in every trouble and broke the unity and authority of the marriage. Better late than never he taught. Children could not be raised in such a marriage. Sometimes he didn't even feel like going home.

Nazlı suffered a second trauma when the lawyer called. “So he wants to get rid of me so quickly”she taught. She was so angry that she immediately signed the divorce papers that arrived by courier the next day. A month later, when the tender was won, Cemil quietly handed in his resignation and quit his job. Nazlı's family had no time to react to Cemil's quick and silent departure. Meanwhile, it was time for court. At that moment, she remembered what Cemil had said to her on the first day of their marriage, “Do you know what family is, Nazlı? A family is a nucleus of men and women who complete each other on the same path.” Then she got emotional. “I wish we could go back to the beginning,” she thought. As she nervously scanned the court corridors, she was distracted from her thoughts by the bailiff's voice. “The defendant and plaintiff in the divorce case of Nazlı Ketenci and Cemil Ketenci, lawyers are waiting.” This was not going to happen, her lawyer had not shown up. Cemil and his lawyer were nowhere to be seen. The bailiff called out again with an indifferent look. “For goodness sake, where are these people, this is no way to be disrespectful!"

Nazlı was almost hiding to avoid being seen. She crouched on the ground in tears. “What did I do wrong to deserve this, how can I fix it?” she asked herself. Gone was the rich, spoiled girl and in her place was a little girl who wanted to settle down. She couldn't find a handkerchief to wipe her tears, so she tried to wipe them with the sleeves of her dress. And then she realized that the dress she was wearing was the one Cemil had bought her and the one she wore the most. She loved it, even though it wasn't a well-known branded outfit. Her father had bought most of her other clothes, but she liked the ones her husband bought much better, no matter how much she complained. For a moment, Nazlı started to think half aloud and half silently. “Was this the marriage that Cemil was talking about, when one leaves the opportunities of one's parents and takes on the opportunities of one's spouse? Was it to enter each other’s veil, dress, to be adorned with his means?  If this was the case, if this was the case, then I really didn't succeed in being a married woman. Indeed, this is what marriage is.”

Nazlı remained in the corner in deep thoughts. Cemil was watching her from a distance. When he was trying to get to the courtroom for the trial, he had seen her in the corner and had given up on entering. He had stayed like that, right there. Because he had never seen Nazlı like that. The girl who was always showing off her power with the presence of her family was gone. She was broken, but she looked much more innocent than before. She was like a bird with broken wings. A bird waiting for someone to come and lift her up. We must try one more time.” he thought.  He approached her and called out, “Nazlı!” Nazlı was suddenly startled and tried to wipe her tears. When she saw Cemil, she stood up. Ashamed of everything that had happened, she bowed her head and took a step back. When Cemil took a step towards her Nazlı started crying; “You were right Cemil. I never understood what it meant to be married and what it meant to be a wife. I continued to treat you like my parents' little girl and you like a toy they bought me. I'm so sorry. If we have one more chance, why don't we live in that little house you mentioned when we got married, to your mother's house. Maybe there I can try to be your wife... Where we can be a family together” Cemil was touched to see this change in Nazlı. Then he couldn't help himself and hugged her. “Let's go to our tiny house” he said...

The Experiential Design Teaching says: “Family is being able to look towards the same direction together.”

Just like the direction Cemil and Nazlı decided to look towards together.

Experiential Design Teaching is the knowledge of reality that provides the information individuals need on their path to life. It produces strategies for people through true information derived from experiences. Thus provides real methods on how they can solve their problems.

 It conveys ways to be happy and successful with “Who’s Who?”, “Relationship Mastery” and “Success Psychology” programs.

“The only thing that hasn’t been discovered yet is; the Better.”

Yahya Hamurcu