The Istanbul Bride

 The Istanbul Bride

The sun had fully risen, and Özlem had settled into her usual spot on the balcony. She sipped her steaming coffee, feeling the winter chill in the air as the trees glistened with frost. She had stepped out without her jacket and felt a slight shiver, but strangely, she also found joy in feeling the cold. Over time, she had grown to love the chilly weather here. When she first moved, she often complained about how she could never warm up, saying, “What kind of cold is this?” Coming from Konya, where the air was dry and biting, she had struggled with the cold. Now, it had been twelve whole years since she had become a bride in Konya—a significant time, yet it felt like it flew by. As she reflected on her journey, she remembered how hard it had been to adjust in those early years. Back then, neither she nor the people around her could truly accept one another. Because she had struggled to fit in for so long, they had started calling her “The Istanbul Bride.”

She had met her husband, Fatih, while studying at the same university in Istanbul. He was a true gentleman, polite, and adaptable to his surroundings. Their friendship had blossomed into a romantic relationship over time. After graduation, Fatih returned to Konya to manage his father’s business, while Özlem took her time enjoying life after school, although she missed him terribly. Fatih missed her too and worked diligently to establish his career. After six months, he finally felt ready to propose. With the help of friends, he organized a surprise meeting at their favorite café. Overjoyed, Özlem exclaimed, “Yesss!” when he popped the question.

What followed was the typical whirlwind of family introductions, engagement ceremonies, and her big move to Konya. Although her body was there, her heart seemed to remain in Istanbul. At first, she didn’t notice this disconnect, but as family dynamics, a new city, and different cultures entered the picture, it became apparent. She found herself complaining about everything—the air, the water, the people—and her constant griping only made her more unhappy.

Two years after their wedding, Fatih’s brother also married, bringing another bride from Izmir to Konya. Özlem thought she’d find common ground with Nisa, but things didn’t go as she had hoped. Nisa loved Konya.

“There’s less traffic, and you can get so much done in a day! The weather isn’t humid, so it doesn’t feel suffocating,” she would say. Nisa saw the positives in everything that Özlem found negative. In contrast, Nisa quickly became a beloved member of the family, addressing Özlem’s in-laws as “mommy” and “daddy,” while they called her “our daughter” and “girl.” Nisa fit in effortlessly, never feeling like the “Izmir Bride.”

Özlem, on the other hand, felt like her old title was a constant reminder of her struggle to belong. Why had Nisa been able to embrace their family while she hadn’t? 

When Özlem and Fatih were deep in conversation. She expressed her frustrations to Fatih, he provided insights that made her reconsider.

- “I didn’t mean to suggest anything negative, you know that”, Fatih said gently.

- “In fact, your respect is appreciated by both me and my family. But you haven’t really adapted to this place or to them. You seem to find a counterpoint to everything they say. You constantly compare Istanbul to here. Life, even if nothing else, has a different climate, so just accept that. For instance, when we go to the village, you complain about the muddy roads. What village doesn’t have muddy paths? Even when I tell you about the mud, you insist on wearing those unsuitable shoes. Then you wonder, ‘What happened to my shoes?’ I suggest, ‘Stay home today, we can return in the evening.’ But you insist, ‘I’m home every day; I want some change.’ You expect the same comforts in the village as you do at home. You complain about the weather yet don’t dress appropriately for it. I’m not trying to hurt you; I just want you to see the problem. You’re doing the same thing they are.”

- “What do you mean?” Özlem asked, confused.

- “When they call Nisa ‘my daughter’ and refer to you as ‘The Istanbul Bride,’ you feel upset. But when you keep your distance, they feel hurt too. If you don’t adapt, how will you live your life? Why not focus on the positives? If you can do that, everything will change. In our relationship, I adapted to you first, allowing you to become my friend and partner. Ultimately, that made me the winner in our story. I’m so happy to be with you. If you adapt to your surroundings, I promise you’ll find happiness.”

Experiential Design Teachins says: “The one who adapts first leads the relationship.”

Özlem’s thoughts lingered on Fatih’s words, realizing he was right. After their conversation, everything began to shift. Slowly, her identity evolved from “The Istanbul Bride” to a cherished member of the family. As she had children, she understood just how crucial adaptation was. Her mother-in-law provided incredible support, and soon she made many friends. By learning to adapt, she reduced her complaints and enhanced her life.

Perhaps we, like Özlem, can set aside our grievances and embrace adaptation, transforming many aspects of our lives for the better.

Experiential Design Teaching is a science of reality that shapes the future with past experiences. It teaches the methods that individuals need to solve their problems and reach their goals.

It offers strategies to people who want to be happy and successful with the programs "Who is Who", "Mastery in Relationship" and "Success Psychology".

“What can "one" person matter among billions of people?

Ask that “one” person for the answer!”

 

Yahya Hamurcu