Is This How It Was Supposed To Be?

 IS THIS HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE?

Aylin was like an ant, she spent the whole day working. Therefore, she was one of those people who fell asleep before her head hit the pillow. Today, she had done so much work and even helped so many people that she deserved to go to bed early. She hated it when her cell phone rang just as she got into bed, but she didn't turn it off in case something important happened and she got caught sometimes.

One day, as she was about to go to bed, her phone rang again. “Ring, ring, ringggg.” She was surprised to see her dear friend whom she had recorded as “Sevoşum” on the phone. Because for the last eight months Sevim had hardly called. When she had come to Turkey to see her boyfriend, she had returned to Poland without taking the time to meet Aylin. It was not Sevim's not seeing her that made Aylin uneasy. It was the fact that she had put her boyfriend at the center of her life and forgotten about her family, close friends and many other things.

“Honey?????” Aylin said, getting up from the bed. Surprised that she had called at this hour after all this time, she had lost sleep instantly out of curiosity. “Are you okay?”

Sevim was sobbing so hard that most of what she said was not understood. The only thing Aylin understood was that Sevim's boyfriend had left her and she said, “How can I live without him?”

Sevim and Aylin met while working in the supply chain department of an international company and became very close friends. Sevim was a very positive, fun and charitable person. She touched everyone's life in some way. This was the biggest thing she and Aylin had in common. Sevim was transferred to Poland for work and quickly promoted there. What made her happy more than her job promotion was that she had a boyfriend. When he left her, she was like a little girl whose toy had been taken away from her. She was very confused and kept crying, not knowing what to do. Fortunately, Aylin managed to calm her down by asking questions and understood what she was saying.

“Everything was going very well for a year. He was coming to visit me during his vacations, I was going to spend my vacations with him. I didn't even inform my family, just so I could spend more time with Okan because he was my soul mate. I was after whatever he desired. We would go to the match at the stadium in the small time I had. Sometimes I would fall asleep at the stadium late at night. Or I would play the music he wanted in my car, even if I didn't like it. Was it going to be like this? I told him that I would even give up my career for him and return to Turkey. I told him that I wanted to marry him. But he said that he was not sure about his feelings, that his feelings for me had lessened lately and that it would be better if we didn't see each other for a while. I can't tell you how much it hurts. I was so ready to arrange everything for him!”

Aylin was not really surprised by this situation. Because since Sevim had started seeing Okan, she had stopped seeing all her friends. She had completely organized her life according to Okan. She had becomespending all her free time only with him. It was as if she had no life of her own, no tastes. She had neglected the yoga classes, charity organizations, language courses, in short, everything.

The Experiential Design Teaching says: “Change happens towards its opposite.”

If we become less interested in our own life and our own change, we become more interested in changing in the direction of someone else. We are always trying to make them happy. We start spending less time with friends, family, work. We tend to do whatever he says, whatever he wants. We tend to focus on activities that he or she enjoys. When we don't have our own goals, we make that relationship the goal and think that's how a relationship should be. When we put all our joy in life on one person, we immediately become active against them when we see the slightest lack of interest. We think that the more attention we give, the more they will love us.

The more we want to be in the other person's life, the less they want to be in ours. The more we are curious about him, the less he is curious about us.  So the one who is too eager in the relationship gradually starts to lose power. The gap between the balance of mutual effort begins to broaden. When one takes on all the mental and physical labor that the other person has to do, the relationship becomes devalued.

The Experiential Design Teaching says: “The solution is in its opposite.”

When people set goals, pay a price for their own development and have the potential to fulfill the needs of others, they become more attractive and attract attention.

Hoping to be one of those people who are valued as much as the value they give...

Experiential Design Teaching is a science of reality that shapes the future with past experiences. It teaches the methods that individuals need to solve their problems and reach their goals.

 It offers strategies to people who want to be happy and successful with the programs "Who is Who", "Mastery in Relationship" and "Success Psychology".

“What can "one" person matter among billions of people?

Ask that “one” person for the answer!”

 

Yahya Hamurcu