MOM, ARE YOU FOR REAL?

- “Sweetie, can you let me talk on the phone, please?”

- “Mooom, I can’t find my math notebook!”

- “Okay, Ceren, I’ll help you once I hang up the phone.”

- “I need to find it now! If we can’t find it, don't blameme for not studying!”

In the end, Ceren won. Nevin abruptly ended the phone call and went to Ceren’s room. She found the notebook under a book on the desk. She had long given up asking why this childwas like this. Ceren couldn’t see what was right in front of her and would turn her whole room upside down to find the things she lost. She was so used to being comfortable that someonealways had to find her stuff, do her tasks, and make her happy.

On top of all that, Nevin constantly felt inadequate and thought she wasn’t a real mother. It was simply easier for her to just do things herself than to try to explain it to Ceren. Cleaning her room, doing her homework—none of it feltdifficult to Nevin. But no matter what she did, she could nevermake Ceren happy. The hardest part was making her feelcontent.

One day, Nevin paused and reflected: “Who can make anyonehappy if they don’t even try to be happy themselves? What will happen later? Who will solve her problems when she enters real life? I can't always be there for her, can i?”

While these endless questions spun around in her mind, seeingher daughter’s current state made Nevin even more anxiousabout the future. Not all parents worry about money, afterall…

Experiential Design Teaching says: “Growing a child and raising them well are not the same.” 

 

Every child grows, but not every parent is a nurturer. True value lies in nurturing.

Her late mother used to say, “What you do might be for me, but what you learn is for yourself.” How true that was. Back then, she couldn’t understand her. Who knows what other wise things her mother had said. As a young girl, housework, helping with dishes, and taking care of siblings felt like a burden. But in university, she realized she was much more skilled than her peers in these areas. Only then did she start to understand her mother’s message. She may have appeared to be doing things for her mother, but everything she learnedfollowed her throughout her life.

Thinking about it now, she realized that whenever her daughter went anywhere without her, she was unprepared and helpless. “She’s still young,” “Her studies are more important,” “I can do it in two minutes” —these were the sentences that led Nevin to do everything for her.

It may feel easier to just handle things yourself in the moment, but dealing with an unprepared adult ten yearslater is far harder.

Saying yes to everything, doing things for them—that’s the easy way out. Nurturing requires patience. A child might do a task slowly, and you might be in a rush. Still, you need to wait and let them do it themselves.

Her mother used to say, “Come help me set the table,” but she never rushed her. She gave her responsibilities in proportionto her ability. She didn’t expect perfection.

That evening, when Nevin said, “Cemre, can you help me set the table?” she got this response: “Mom, just do it yourself. I have a ton of homework.”
That reply was proof enough that she was already late in teaching her how to take responsibility.

The next morning, she woke up to her daughter’s screaming:

- “Mooom! Why didn’t you wake me up? I’m late!”

- “Why didn’t you set your alarm?”

- “Are you for real, Mom? Is this a joke? I didn’t set my alarm because you always wake me up!”

She was absolutely right. Nevin had trained her to rely on her so much—with the best of intentions, of course. But things needed to change. Ceren was growing up and needed to take care of her own responsibilities.

After all, how long could her mom really hold on to something that was already hers? Like, if she wanted to borrow one of Cemre’s scarves, it would turn into a big deal. But the responsibilities were just as much Cemre’s as that scarf was. And not just her personal stuff—she should be helping out with things around the house too. They wereliving there together.

Nevin, the more she thought about it, became convinced she needed to take a different approach. Slowly, she began to implement changes. She stopped cleaning Cemre’s room. She no longer reminded her about her homeworks. She didn’t cavein to the “I won’t study then…” threats. Cemre was late to school a few times. She did chores around the house but with complaints. Yet Nevin stayed calm and consistent, just like her own mother.

At first, it was all very difficult, but things gradually became easier. Cemre found it hard at first too, but she startedbalancing school and home responsibilities. She was slowlypulling herself out of that comfort trap. She began making her bed, folding her clothes, and airing out her room. When she came home from school, she finished her homework and even helped her mom with chores.

Most importantly, no one needed to lift her mood anymore—she seemed calmer and happier.

When Nevin looked back at her daughter’s situation beforeshe now finally felt like a real mother. Because she wasn’tjust focused on her daughter growing up—but on her beingraised properly. She no longer felt like the mother who made life too easy, but one who prepared her child for life. Nevin was happy now too.

Experiential Design Teaching is a body of knowledge that develops strategies to design our future based on pastexperiences.

Through seminars like “Who’s Who,” “MasteringRelationships,” and “The Psychology of Success,” it equipsthose seeking happiness and fulfillment with practical tools to overcome challenges and reach their goals.

“The one thing in life that’s never fully discovered is: Better…”